- 3:09 pm - Wed, Oct 23, 2013
- 219 notes
Love Is Me & You
Ever since college when I slowly came to grips with my bisexual identity, I have always had a fear in the back of my mind. A little voice in every relationship has always been there, questioning, “If you commit to one gender, won’t you miss the other genders?” I have feared that having the capacity to love people all across the gender spectrum, as well as a desire to be monogamous in my relationships, would mean that I would also ultimately be unhappy in one way or another. I want to pledge my life in partnership to another person at some point, to start a family – but that means deciding to commit to one person of one gender identity for the rest of my life. Such a permanent prospect is terrifying in so many ways …
As a bisexual activist, I have spoken at college campuses, PFLAG meetings and conferences from the East Coast to the West Coast and back. I have told teenagers coming to grips with their own identities that bisexuality is a beautiful thing – having the capacity to love others regardless of sex or gender is a gift. As I have spoken out against the stereotypes that bisexuals are sex-crazed, greedy and incapable of monogamy, internally I have wondered if that last cliché might not, in some small way, be true, at least for me …
It has been my mother above all others who has made me realize that, regardless of whether one is gay, straight, bisexual or any other sexual identity on the vast spectrum, when it comes to love it is about the individual. With many relationships come and gone, my mom has helped me realize one over-arching fact: regardless of my sexual identity, finding love doesn’t mean I no longer have the capacity to be attracted to anyone else, it just means that I want to be with my chosen significant other more than anyone else.
It also doesn’t mean that I stop being bisexual.
Click HERE to read AJ’s Personal Essay
A.J. Walkley is a bisexual activist and the author of “Queer Greer” and “Choice”. Her third novel, “Vuto”, inspired by her experience as a US Peace Corps Health Volunteer in Malawi East Africa has just been released. Walkley currently resides in Arizona, USA.